Control. Capital 'C'.

Control. That's the issue I have been dealing with. Or not dealing with. See, with Blogging, I have a design idea that would make me Contented Smiley Face Happy, but I lack the tech-savvy to make my Blogging Design Dreams come true. Honestly, it hasn't been important enough to me up to this point to spend the money on the expertise to bring my blog up to Contented Smiley Face par. And evidently, anything short of Contented Smiley Face Happy, and I short out. My little pout fest. Nothing major... I just shrug and say "Blogging isn't for me," or "Well, as soon as someone can get the blog set up the way I want it, then I can give it my time, energy, and attention." My darling friend Lindsey: "You aren't blogging? Tsk, tsk." "Oh, but Linds, it just isn't set up the way I want it..." blah blah blah. So for one year and 3 weeks, I have not blogged once. I do not, hereby, commit to blogging weekly. Ha- maybe not even monthly! But as I work out this Bible Study on Control, I begin to see the Blog Pout as a glaring example of "if-it's-not-my-way-it's-no-way" living, and in an effort toward imperfect progress, I am making an attempt to love the content even if I am not currently loving the platform.  That, too, will come.... one day.

I have decided that I should work out the Blog as an outlet for my graphic design and my photography, but also as a place to document my personal "progress" (and often times more accurately coined "regression"). I felt pulled to blog Mr. and Mrs. Smith family on one blog, Captured Photography on another blog, tweet here and there, and use Facebook as my info-sharing platform. But since my personal journey impacts photography, and vice versa, it's all ME, and dividing it up no longer makes sense to me. So here ya go--- on my Less Than Contented Smiley Face blog platform, I document the various aspects of my life. In the past, the blog has seemed like an echoing cavern in which I shout into, and I hear only the trailing of my shout. Another step-on-the-toes example of why I gravitated toward Facebook as a platform rather than blogging. I love the interaction and the feedback. But perhaps what I need is quiet reflection sometimes. A place to be real and to sort out thoughts, without so much thought as to whether or not I will hear from a kindred soul or mentor along the way. I like thinking. I like writing. Seems like a good place to start. :)

The path that got me back to the Create Post page has been one of ravenous hunger. Yes, I find myself snacking on dry cereal a lot lately even when I know I am not hungry, but deeper than that, I find myself craving The Word and books that help me reflect on The Word. I was on the road for work recently, and the long trips gave me too much time to fill with thinking, audiobooks, and car concerts. I was listening to a pop culture song, and 2 lines haunted me: "Give me love like never before. 'Cause lately I've been craving more."  The songwriter probably didn't intend for those words to stir in me a realization of how strongly I am craving more God right now, but God intended it, and He knows how to find my heart.... usually through a song. I found myself praying constantly and reading my Bible more and downloading audiobooks for those long drives.... or just turning everything off for some quiet time alone with My Father. I had time to reflect on the next steps in my journey and where God might want me to go or how to spend my time for Him. I reflected on my photography business and my work as a social worker. I don't have an answer, but for once am completely at peace with uncertainty... and that goes against all of my Control nature.

It seems God put the right people in my path and led me to the right words in Scripture and the right supplemental readings to help me deal with multiple situations that have arisen lately. My cousin recommended Unglued, and I devoured it in 2 days. (I am currently listening to it a second time through for more nuggets I may have missed the first time through. I have to have multiple flashing signs most of the time). Interestingly, the day after I finished the book, God gave me an opportunity to test what I learned (ummmm.... thanks.....), but I sought the advice of another friend, and in her advice she said, "I am doing this Bible Study 'Unglued', and it really makes me think of your situation." (OK, God, I hear you now. Just needed to hear it twice I guess.) The next week I read Crazy Love by Francis Chan, and it made my head spin! In a good way. I quickly downloaded Forgotten God, also by Francis Chan, and it really made me reconsider a perspective I had all but sold my soul to defend. Meanwhile, my cousin invited me to be her accountability partner in the study Let It Go by Karen Ehman, led through Proverbs31 Ministries. I know it seems I am quite close to reading overload, but I figure with time on the road, God must be wanting me to fill my time with quiet with Him and with thought-provoking meditation from others to challenge me in my scripture reading and how I apply what I read in The Word. I have prayed for hunger before, and somehow this time I knew I needed it before I realized I needed it. :) God is good like that.

I began the Let.It.Go. study today, and chapter 1 has already made me say "Amen" almost shamefully several times. Amen in that I can relate to the author. Shamefully in that I am not exactly proud of the relating. I know I neglected Blogger. I know it was because my control would not let me write something half-"skinned" (as I should say), and I considered it sub-par regardless of content but more due to platform. Well, I have approached the undesirable platform, raised my arms over my head, and have dove in head first. Rather wordily for a diver ;) If you're hungry---- I recommend all of the books written about in this post, and if you're looking for a study, Let.It.Go. is just now starting, so come Let Go with us! I may be back to shout into the echoing canyon....

I tried to sign off, but it doesn't feel right to have a post without a picture! I'm a photographer!So in the spirit of letting go of control, I'll embrace humor. :)

:) tif